I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interupt her.

Marriage is a three-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to!

Do yo know the punishment for bigamy?  Two mothers-in-law!

The most effective reminder of your wife's birthday is to forget it just once!

First Guy (proudly) "I love my wife, she's an angel." Second Guy: "You're lucky, mines still alive."

If you want your wife to pay undivided attention to your every word, talk in your sleep.

Son: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Dad: "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"

I never knew true happiness until I got married; Then it was too late.