Subject:      Euro-English


The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has

been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European

communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As

part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English

spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased

plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish    (Euro for short).


     In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".

Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard

"c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but

typewriters kan have one less letter.


    There will be growing publik enthusiasm (wanna bet?) in the sekond

year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make

words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.


    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be

expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always

ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes

of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.


     By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as  replasing

"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be

dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid

to ozer kombinations of leters.


    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in

ze forst place.